Gunner's Military Humor - USAFNS

A Naval Conference

2007-10-22T19:36:00.000-04:00

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, '

Conference in France

2007-10-22T19:35:00.000-04:00

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?" A Boeing engineer stood

Colin Powell in England

2007-10-22T19:34:00.000-04:00

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return

And the moral of the story is...

2007-08-31T16:29:00.000-04:00

And the moral of the story is... The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Tony, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got

Letter from a New Marine Recruit at MCRD San Diego

2007-08-31T15:24:00.000-04:00

Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine

What time is it?

2007-07-16T17:14:00.000-04:00

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an

Brash Pilot

2007-07-01T19:12:00.000-04:00

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola Naval Air Station - skipping recruit training. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the

Fighter Pilots

2007-05-31T19:48:00.000-04:00

A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 fighter pilot flew up next to him. The F-16 jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that. The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!" The C-

Seamanship Test

2007-04-27T20:12:00.000-04:00

One time during the underway watch the OOD decided to test a Chief Petty Officer's seamanship. "Chief, what would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?" "Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures." "What would you do if an officer fell overboard?" "Hmmm," The Chief said, "Which one, sir?"

The Master Chief

2007-04-25T15:50:00.000-04:00

The Master Chief noticed a new Seaman one day and barked at him to come in "What is your name?" was the first thing the Master Chief asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The Master Chief scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching Sailors in Bootcamp today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that

Veteran's Bar

2007-04-24T19:31:00.000-04:00

Four retired Navy Chief's are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Veterans Bar" over thedoorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn't look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize inthis case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'. The old bartender says in a voice that carries

Air Contollers & Pilots

2007-04-01T17:50:00.000-04:00

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "

Old Country Preacher's Son

2007-03-17T13:35:00.000-04:00

An old southern country preacher from Georgia had a teenage son named David and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and

Erecting a Flagpole

2007-03-15T21:02:00.000-04:00

One last class before graduation at the Naval Academy and the Instructor gave out one final assignment. "Given one 20 foot metal pole, two bags of cement, a selection of shovels, a wheel barrow, and any other tools you might find necessary, AND One Chief, one Petty Officer and a selection of Seamen, DESCRIBE The process you will take to erect the pole so that a flag hung from it can be seen

Ship's Boatswain in a Quandry

2007-03-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

I was a brand new pin-stripe WO1 serving with a CWO3 Boatswain on the USS Newport News (CA-148) in late 1967. As we were about to pull into Da Nang harbor to take a two star admiral and his staff aboard (CTG 77.7.3 if I recall correctly). Originally, the plan was to highline the admiral and his staff aboard. But shortly after setting the highline detail, a low lying fog obscured visibility.

The Gunny sez...

2007-02-25T17:54:00.000-05:00

A group of Marine Corp Officers are standing around talking when a Lieutenant said, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work." Captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work." Then a Major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work." They are

Late for Work

2007-02-24T11:21:00.001-05:00

He just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, maybe 10 minutes late. He was very conscientious, very sharp and very productive. This was a second career for the gentleman so the Boss was in a quandary about what to do about it. Finally, he decided he needed to talk to him and called him into the office for a chat. "Bill, I have to tell you, I like your

A Marine's Watch

2007-02-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

A Marine walks into a Beaufort SC bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.The woman looks at his wrist and remarks, "That's some watch.I've never seen anything like it before. What is it?""I just got this," he replies. "It's a new military issue. It has a small computer chip which has threat detection and

Last Requests

2007-01-16T20:04:00.000-05:00

Bob Sheiffer, Tom Brokaw, Katie Couric and a tough old U.S. Marine sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. Sheiffer said, "I'd like one last bowl of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Sheiffer ate it and said, "Now I

Ma Bell and the Writer

2007-01-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the military. He bought a plane ticket to Camp Lejeune, thinking he would start by working his way across the USA from south to north. On his first day he was inside the Base Chapel taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The man, being intrigued, asked a

Gourmet application of MREs or How I Entertain a New Date

2006-02-05T03:51:00.000-05:00

If you don't get a laugh out of this one, you have no sense of humor or have never eaten MREs! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How I Entertain a New Date:I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my

NO SEX SINCE 1955

2005-10-12T10:34:00.000-04:00

NO SEX SINCE 1955 A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering

Maintenance Monkey

2005-09-09T09:41:00.000-04:00

A man walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a First Class Petty Officer from the local Navy base walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please." The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the PO1, saying, "That'll be

War-Weary American Marine

2005-08-30T16:06:00.000-04:00

The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using

Rowing Teams...

2005-08-14T08:55:00.000-04:00

The Navy challenged the Army and the Air Force to a row boat race on the Potomac River. Each team practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air Force team became very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.